Don’t Take This Personally But…
Don’t take this personally but…
You’re taking things too personally!!
I think it’s safe to say that all of us take things too personally at one point or another in our life… and for most of us, we do this multiple times every single day (myself included). I don’t write these blog posts talking down to you, I simply write about issues that affect my life to the point that I choose to work on them myself.
Writing about it in a blog post not only helps me to share my insights and spread a positive message, but it also holds ME accountable to practice what I preach. I hope that you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!
This particular post was inspired by a book that I’m currently reading by Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements” A Tolec Wisdom Book. It’s a short and easy read, yet it gives you soo much to think about. These are my favorite kind books to read because they’re simple, to the point, and cause you to dig down deep to learn about yourself.
The lesson that I want to share with you today is… don’t go through life worrying about other people’s opinions:
- Don’t worry about what others think about you
- Don’t worry about what others say about you
- Don’t worry about how others act towards you…
The truth is that people will think, say or do stuff to you based on their own feelings. Everybody has their own belief system, so everything that they think about you really has nothing to do with you… it’s actually their own reflection!
Lets pretend that I’ve never met you before and I don’t know anything about you… but I see you walk by me and I say to you, “you are so stupid and ugly.”
At this point you have two options:
- “Eat the poison” and take it personally
- Let it go in one ear and out the other knowing that this anger coming from me is only ME dealing with MY OWN problems
You see…
My Opinion Of You Has Nothing To Do With You!
The ONLY way that my opinion can affect you is if you choose to take it personally. When you take it personally, you “eat the poison” and whether you know it or not, you’ve agreed with me that you ARE stupid and you ARE ugly. You accepting my statement has made your beliefs stronger… the poison is running through you!
You might argue with me if I told you that it’s impossible for ME to hurt YOUR feelings… “But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself.” (pg.51)
So it’s your job in life to heal your wounds… and as you do, you will no longer take other people’s opinions personally. This will free you and lead you to the realization that you are only responsible for you. Other people’s words and actions will no longer have an effect on you and you will be able to live and love openly.
I recommend that you read The Four Agreements for yourself so that you can gain a better understanding on this subject and so much more. Only when you choose to try to understand yourself can you work towards healing your wounds. It’s a process that takes time, but don’t worry because the journey is the most exciting part (I know because I’m on the journey!). You will reach your destination much sooner and with less effort if you just enjoy the journey…
And remember, Don’t Take Anything Personally!
Yours in Success,
Taking things personally may create a negative effect. This is the reason why you have to think first before you react to any kind of situation. Just like when you are having fun, you have to think that it is just a way to express or create something which will make the controversy interesting.
Julie Hayes recently posted..used fire trucks
Hi Kyle, What you say is true but hard! I can sometimes take even comments in the most negative way possible even if there was no negative intention (no underhandedness or meanness) in the compliment. I grew up watching my dad do that. Heather’s helped me to notice that both he and I do it. Sometimes when I take things personally, Heather will point out the ridiculousness of it by exaggerating it and I’ll laugh and realize what happened. I can do that myself now a bit and I’m better at not taking the negative stuff in or projecting negative stuff when there is none intended. But it’s still sometimes I work on. Thanks for your great insight on this! – Rob
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Totally agree Rob, It’s really hard!
Just catching yourself a couple of times a day can be very beneficial though. I don’t think it’s very realistic to not take ANYTHING personally, but who know… maybe someday! =)
Kyle Quinlan recently posted..You Don’t Need To Be Perfect
Listening to what others say about you and worrying about it does not do any good. This will just only frustrate you and lead to be a problem. Instead of worrying about the things that others say about you, it is best that you should ignore it. Don’t bother yourself worrying about them. Its only their perception about you and it is not the truth so why worry right.
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Right on point Candice!
Kyle Quinlan recently posted..Reach For The Stars… And Another Productivity Tip
For me, the best thing that we can do about this is to ignore them because you know yourself and you know the truth. they may judge you but still, the truth is within your hands.
Julie Hayes recently posted..used riding lawn mowers
Great message and your points are right on. I think constructive criticism is worthwhile and helps us grow, but admittedly it is difficult to put rude, thoughtless behavior in perspective. Nobody wins in a game of tit for tat, so the best thing to do is ignore it or let the person know how their comment or behavior made you feel … especially if it’s someone you’re around all the time.
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Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!! Right on the money!! You have put this so well. I have tried over the years to convey this to people, mostly my children, for the most part they (my children)have listened. It took me a long time to get to the point where other’s opinion or their remarks don’t bother me. When you let go of all that you free yourself up to be you!!
Thanks for the Great post!!
Have a Great Day
Chester
Hi Kyle,
I remember when I was making a career change and leaving a company. Being given some sincere advice that I should stay. The real reason is many of the people giving me the advice thought they were being left behind. take care Rosemary
Many people are too afraid to step out of their comfort zone and can’t understand why others don’t feel the same way. It often makes them critical of others who move on in order to justify their status quo.
Right to the point! Thank you for conveying this subject. Too many people get so caught up in what others would think of them. What does that do but only retards their growth process. I fully agree with these wonderful suggestions above. Who cares what people think! If you are putting out a good content on something, you are doing from your experience, your heart, your soul. So what’s wrong with that?
Thanks
Donna
I think this message is more important now than it ever was. With the ever growing popularity of social media sites and integration with our personal blogs people are more empowered. With that empowerment comes a select few who feel that they can do or say whatever they want to people in any manner that they choose without taking into account how their words are received. Or worse yet they just don’t care. And we sometimes do take that as a personal attack on us. Its better for us to just ignore it and others will see for themselves who truly has the problem
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Hey Kyle, Are you calling me Stupid and Ugly, Lol!
One of my favorite quotes is by Emerson.
“Nothing external to you has any power over you.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fits in nicely with your article. There is great power in mastering ones own emotions.
Thanks for sharing Kyle.
Kevin
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Outstanding read, and now I know don’t take things personally. This post has helped me to better myself and I sincerely thank you. That poison sure isn’t good for you. Thank you again and May God Richly Bless You!
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Kyle,
That book is great! I’ve read it before and I agree that it will totally change one’s approach to such criticisms. We should never let someone’s opinions weigh to heavily on our acts.
Dewane Mutunga recently posted..Opt In List Building Tips
Good Morning Kyle
That was a great post, it’s like the old saying sticks and stones may break my bones ,but names or words will never hurt me.
Thank You
To Your Success
Sharon
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When someone is angry and lashing out at me, as hard at it may be, I work at not taking it personally. It is not about me–; it is about what is going on inside of them. When dealing with an angry person, it is helpful to realize that anger is the result of two emotions: fear and/or pain.
A phrase that I find helpful when dealing with an angry person is “What is hurting you so much that you feel you have to lash out at me to heal it?”
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Hello Kyle, Awsome post!. I believe we must filter everything people say and not lit the little things bother us and get us fustrated. We must be able to take constructive critisisim but being able to seperate the good from the bad. Thanks again I will be back to read more from you.
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This is great advice Kyle. I always say that you can’t control what other people say or do but you can control how you choose to respond to it. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s important to understand that it is a choice WE make.
I like your last statement “You will reach your destination much sooner and with less effort if you just enjoy the journey” – ain’t that the truth!
Laura Paulson recently posted..10 Powerful Lessons for Success in Network Marketing – Compliments of Steve Jobs
Hey Kyle, like they say, if you want to learn something, teach it! Kiyosaki talks about the cone of learning which says that basically you only retain about 10% of what you read, 20% what you hear, however, you retain I believe 50-75% of what you instruct or simulate. So if you want to learn something, try to explain it or teach it to someone else and you’ll force yourself to REALLY learn it!
Hans Schoff recently posted..Creating Wealth Secrets – More Money Is NOT The Solution, This Is
Do not take anything personally.Yes I agree with that. Not so many persons as you think care about how you perform and how you look. Everyone all has too much thing to be considered, so do not have time spending on you. So we are just back to be ourselves and act what we want.
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Kyle,
this is great information to place on one’s mind. I can see how being around people who have nothing better to do with thier time than belittle others, can have some affect.
We have choices and in this life you must surround yourself with people going places. People who have and see the good in any given situation. You learn for life and not take the words of others to heart.
Those who go through life looking for people to give them confidence are the same who put themselves around people who are negative 97% of the day. You hear them, O’Boy this is my friend from when I was…or I new her all my life and I can’t believe.
Let’s get real and grow up. You control your environment. Change it and move on. Let those who have negative feelings and habbits unchanged that holds their growth and make you stumble, be by themselves. You can only pray for them, Amen.
You should focus on what your core beliefs are and write down you game plan. Get with people of purpose. Ones who have what you want and willing to mentor you in the duplication process. This is not something your going to get out of a book, tape or other device. You have to get out and experience these amazing areas out here waiting for you to take hold and grow.
I only situate myself with people of passion and purpose. I pray for others who are stuck in time, as I call it. I have no time to waste on anything that doesn’t make me feel good. I only choose being happy and sharing that full love with others. Giving my time and energy helping people achieve greatness as they determine it to be.
How about focusing on all the needs of others and making ways to solve them. You will not have anytime to waste on negative junk. You will bring joy to so many others your heart will overwhelm with power. You will brighten up every place your present at.
Kyle, your one of our visonaries in this industry. You have many fruitful years ahead and understand that some people you just must let go and move forward.
Thank you for this awesome share, and I look forward in watching you soar.
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Hi Kyle,
This is an excellent post and I am very curious to get a copy of The Four Agreements. You are right about taking things personally. Although I agree and I am aware of your words, in daily life when we are encountering an experience of someone’s “opinion” it is not as easy to let it go as it should be.
It reminds me of the analogy of someone pointing one finger at you when reality is there are 3 fingers pointing back to the person with the opinion. Whatever that person has responded to in you is something reflecting back to his/her own experiences.
Napoleon Hill talks about The Discipline of Clear Thinking. Here is his statement about opinions: “Most opinions are without value because they are based on bios, prejudice, intolerance, guesswork, hearsay evidence and ignorance. They represent the source of most of the tragedy of life that people meet unnecessarily. Most people make no attempt to think accurately. Another key point is the more successful a person is the less he expresses his opinion.”
Thank you for your thought provoking post.
Raena Lynn
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Hi Kyle!
I like the name of your website, although highschool, for me, was a long time ago!
I find two situations where one must stop and think about what was said before reacting…one is when you’re speaking with someone in person, where you have the advantage of body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. The other is on the internet with written communication, where it is much easier to take comments the wrong way. I have had many “arguments” via internet that were never even meant to begin…..alas…people can be quite difficult to deal with sometimes.
Tom Burt
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Hi Kyle
What a great post I just love reading it to the end.
One of my old pastors have a good explanation about what you just say.
He say “if if I through you with water, Did I make you Wet or did i make you angry? the answer is I did make you Wet and YOU decide to be come angry towards me”
It just show that you are 100% in control of you own feelings and what others say or do towards you.
Thanks & Regards
Theuns
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Kyle – this is a great post and great reminder that what matters most is what we think of ourselves. And squelching the internal self talk is tough to do but very helpful. Most of us care what others think about us as we were raised that way. Working on our own self development to burst through that barrier will help us go much father in life than if we listen to and worry about what everyone else things about us. Don’t let someone else be in control of your own dreams. Thanks for the reminder. VaNessa
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Hi Kyle, awesome blog and I love your brand. Very powerful and it seems like a group of people who definitely will want what you are offering.
Not taking things personally takes a lot of time and personal development… or spiritual development. People either get better at it with age, or much worse
I’ve given up worrying what other people think… well, mostly! I guess it depends on what the outcome is with the relationship of the other person, and what you want get out of it.
Great to see your blog,
Thanks
Gavin
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Kyle,
First of all it’s silly to take oneself too seriously as you know none of us are going to get out of this alive.
Secondly, only you can do that to yourself. What I think of you is so unimportant to your goals, your passions, your self awareness.
Thanks for your thoughts on this topic, Kyle.
RICK
Hi Kyle
I am right out of your demographic group, I know, but I found your post insightful and inspiring.
Letting things go is the key to being able to go forward without “stuff” preventing you from achieving your goals. Getting stopped in your tracks by the smallest of disappointments is easy enough if we do not remain pragmatic about day to day business.
Thank you
Pete
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Hi Kyle, I can relate to your post. I used to feel bad or maybe go along and make them understand verbally why they shouldn’t do that being a former Marine Infantryman and all. But we all get brought down to our knees one sooner or later. When my son almost died I found that some things are out of my control. Nobody to turn to because I wanted to stay strong for my family. So now being disrespected doesn’t bother me at all. There’s bigger things in life than what people say or do. Believe it or not, people can tell me what they want and I’ll just ask them what’s wrong or that I can see there is something wrong and If they need somebody to talk to or if they need help I’ll be there. Even for a stranger if I can. Call me nuts but some people have way bigger problems than we could ever imagine and there isn’t anybody there for them. I think we should be happy with our lives no matter what comes in it and find a way to be happy. It feels so much better too. Everybody needs somebody. Great post!
Rick
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Kyle,
This is a great post. We all take this advice for granted. We know we shouldn’t take anything personal, but we still let our emotions get the best of us. It is always good to have people support us and help us get through any tough situations we might be facing.
Thanks for posting.
Great post Kyle! I know what you mean when you talk about the importance of not taking things too personally. I came to the realization that I just would never win over my adviser for my doctorate, and seemed like we had completely different aims, so I went another way. Things are cordial between us, and now I can work with someone who is a better fit. It worked better for everyone all around.
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Kyle,
Not always easy to remember and apply to ourselves, however, it is just so true! I learned this teaching high school students. I saw a video about a teacher, then Principal who said that she decided she didn’t have to let everyone’s stress become her’s. People would “hand her their problems and their stress and she would just not accept it.” That’s a rule I needed to be reminded of today.
Thanks!!!
– Jupiter Jim
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I enjoyed your article, I think everybody should read it; it would help people to cool down and not take opinions in a personal way. I have seen people trying to get even, sometimes depressed or bitter as a response to someone else’s opinion. And it did not have to do anything to do with them in the first place.
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Hey Kyle, I enjoyed reading this post. I have learned a long time ago not to take things personally. It is only how someone else sees me. What is important is how I see myself. That’s the core of the being. I visualize a bubble around myself and don’t let that negative energy get in.
Long ago it used to bother me, but I have gotten over it and lead a more successful and peaceful life.
Blessings,
Donna
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